This is far from a rant blog. I strive to maintain a positive and fresh atmosphere here, and be somewhat informative. This evening something truly disturbed me though.
My daughter and I went to one of those big box discount stores tonight, to pick up some groceries. She sat in the carriage and looked around, while I shopped. I try not to dally too long in one spot, so she won’t get bored and cranky. She was her usual pretty well behaved self. The store was busy and many children were accompanying their parents. None were being bratty. In two cases, I can not say the same for their parents.
Two women (mother & daughter it seemed) were shopping with a little girl, about four years old. The child was standing in the aisle quietly and wasn’t touching anything. The woman that appeared to be the mother of this child, told her to “get out of the way”, then less than a minute later nagged the child with expletives, and told her she would be spanked because she doesn’t listen. This was said in such a nasty voice I had no doubt, she would carry through. We ran into this group again two aisles later, and the two women were arguing with each other, but it was obvious that much of their irritation with each other was being taken out on this child. She was once again being scolded, when she seemed to be behaving just fine. The nagging continued, as they moved on. I felt so bad for this little girl. She is bound to be a depressed, insecure or at the very least troubled kid in the future.
In the very next aisle, a young boy, who appeared to be about five years old. Wandered in front of his mother’s shopping cart. She angrily exclaimed “If you step in front of this carriage one more time I SWEAR, I’ll run you over with it!”. I think the look my toddler gave her, made her realize how inappropriately she had just behaved, and she scurried off with her son in tow.
I am by no means a perfect parent, and I understand stress can get to people, but these parents were simply out of control. In both cases, it was not a mother with multiple active kids to keep an eye on, just one relatively sedate child. The over-reactions I witnessed from these parents, for the smallest of infractions (real or perceived) were in my opinion verbally abusive. I hate to imagine how they behave towards these young children at home.
I don’t spank my daughter. * I don’t holler, scream, threaten or swear at her. I love her. She is still a toddler so most discipline for her is simply redirection & being consistent in what she is not allowed to do. I’m an older mom with a degree in psychology, which might make me look at the parenting process a little differently, but I doubt many people would speak to their dogs the way these people did to their children.
Are these people simply so mean spirited or scarred, that they can’t even treat their own children with simple kindness?
.
* While I don’t chose to spank my daughter, many loving parents occasionally have to resort to this punishment. This article is not about discipline, it is about cruelty.
i certainly dont agree with spanking or threating physical punishment (ill hit you wiht my cart!) but i think lots of parents are guilty of being mean spirited sometimes in certain situations. I feel like I am all of the time, particularly in public places b/c its when my toddler throws tantrums! Its not ideal, its not how I initially would choose to parent on the first try but its just a natural reaction to get in a bad mood if you have a whiney or screaming or misbehaving kid, you know?
Sorry, had to be honest and comment here.
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Its crazy how often this happens..and in public. We, my little guys and I, see this happening every time we go to wal-mart. All my 3 yr old says is, I’m sorry mommy. And he, or the other child, did nothing wrong.
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I sometimes let stress get to me and Ill threaten to pop my little boy.. but Its more of a pop on the hand. However, I think there is a difference in being cruel as well. I think me saying come back over here before I pop you is a lot different than what I heard this lady say to her daughter one time. It literally broke my heart. The little girl was calm and very well behaved (in my opinion) but every time she would move the lady resorted in calling her “you ugly bald head child, get your A$$ back over here.” I was appalled that she was calling her child names like that!
You are right tho.. there’s a big diff in discipline and just plain cruelty
ya know, there’s a delicate balance.
cruelty is absolutely unacceptable. especially when a child has done nothing to warrant ANY discipline.
spanking is sometimes a necessary evil. when the child HAS earned it.
not doing anything when a child is obviously in control of the parent is also a crime.
i have a SIL who has refused to spank from day one with all 3 of her kids. they are spoiled. so much so, that whenever she’d be shopping (even with her cart full), if a tantrum erupted she would remove herself & the child from the store leaving the cart right where they’d been. that’s it. she’d leave the store EVERY time. now what does THAT teach a child? that they are in control. that the mom is submissive to the child. each child acts as though the world revolves around them, and that their parents are stupid. most ill-behaved children i know. violence is ok to them. the middle child, at age 4, would come along & punch his mom in the stomach when she was holding his infant sister. mom would do nothing.
as i said before there is a delicate balance.
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I fully agree that discipline is completely necessary, and each child is different, so there is no one right way to do it.
Taking your own frustartions out on your child, like these two women did, is the opposite of discipline. They are teaching these kids that it is O.K. to be nasty to others, when you are annoyed. Sometimes parents need to step back and take a look at what their own motivations really are.
I think it’s hard to judge when a person is really stressed out. I’ve been there and have yelled a time or two at my daughter but usually right after, I breathe deep and remember that she is just a toddler even if she just did the most ridiculous thing! It isn’t necessary to go to extremes likew these parents did but the truth is you don’t really know if this is the way they are ALL the time or just having a REALLY bad day–even though there’s really no excuse for that behavior.
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Good post! We all just need to take a deep breath and maintain our balance
I can’t say that I’ve never gotten “out of control” with my daughter, over-reacting to things sometimes…but when I have done so, when cooled off I have apologized and discussed with her my feelings that caused the episode. I’d like to hope these parents you saw did likewise.
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I agree, there are better ways to discipline children than yelling or hitting. You really do have to feel bad for the kids you see out. I mean, is it that difficult to keep a child distracted or occupied with a book or toy? Or maybe the moms could let the children help shop. Maybe even carry a light item to make them happy. I have a toddler too and redirection and consistency are key. I’m with you on that.
That’s sad…it really is. I admit that I lose my patience from time to time and snap at my children, but I truly try to watch what I say and to not be so mean. It’s hard always saying and doing the right thing, but it sounds like these moms were not even trying to be motherly. Sad.
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Yes, it’s too bad when children are treated that way when they don’t deserve it, on the flip side though, I more often see children who need to be reigned in that are left to disrupt the general public be it in stores or restaurants.
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When I see that, I just want to pick the child up and hug him/her. Of course, I don’t. I know that I can be snappy with my kids sometimes, but it is usually brought on because they are not listening to me or doing something they are not supposed to do.
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